Events to a T

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately of the “do I HAVE to XYZ?” And my answer is almost always a resounding “no, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do”.  Here are a few that come up over and over again.

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1. Guest Book. You do not have to have a guest book. Most certainly not the traditional white book with attached pen and an attendant to make sure that people sign it. This question is a whole post unto itself…but what are you going to do with that afterward? Are you going to take it out and look at it, EVER? No, the answer is no, you are not. If you can think of something that you don’t mind sitting around your house after your wedding, then go for it otherwise, you don’t have to have it.

2. Plus 1. Here is my rule about the plus one on invitations. If your guest has been in a serious relationship for an extended period of time they get a plus one. I don’t know how long that might be, you decide, but you know if it seems serious to you or not. Some friends might seem really serious after 3 months, some friends might not seem that serious after 6 months. It is going to be on a per person basis.  Otherwise, sorry they have to fly solo. Even if they call you and have met the person of their dreams and want to bring them (and yes, they will call you and ask you). In which case your answer should be “I’m really sorry, we are paying per plate and there are people I would really have liked to have invited and didn’t get to, I’m sure you understand”. My only exception to this rule is if your guest is not going to know anyone else at your wedding. Then definitely give them a plus one so they have someone they know to talk to and can enjoy themselves.

3. Invite List. This is almost always a bone of contention. My mom wants to invite her coworkers, my fiance’s dad wants to invite his entire extended family. My advice is to control your list. You and your fiance make the list of who you would like to invite then divvy up the remaining spots to your parents. I understand this can be touchy because possibly one side is paying and feels they should get to invite whomever they please or should get more people. If you feels strongly about who is at your wedding and who isn’t, then I suggest you really prioritize how important it really is to you so that you know how firmly (and respectfully) you need to stand your ground. Remember, despite who may be paying, this day is supposed to be a celebration of your love, not a networking event or a reunion of your parents old friends. Who do you want there to celebrate with you?

4. Kids. You should feel free to have a kids free wedding. But you should know a few things first. You must put it on your invitation that it is an adult only reception. If you have a website, please put it there as well. You are still going to get phone calls  asking for exceptions. You are probably going to need to make some exceptions. People who are still nursing should probably be allowed to bring their kids. They aren’t going to be running around causing a disruption, they are going to sleep in the corner, so let that one slide. Otherwise, like the guest list and the plus ones, stand your ground. Provide a babysitter on site, or offer babysitter options. Care.come is a fantastic resource for event babysitters. And if your adult only reception includes your nieces and nephews that is ok too and you needn’t feel badly about that.

5. Bridal Party. The bridal party drama starts way before any of us are even engaged. What will I do, if I have so and so then I have to have so and so and then I will have a huge party. Or my mom things I have to have my cousin or my mother in law things I should have my sister in law. There are always going to be a million people who are going to have a million opinions about what you should and shouldn’t do. Have a bridal party, don’t have a bridal party, have one person, have 10, it is up to you and your fiance. You don’t need to cave to pressure. You should have the people standing next to you who have supported you through this relationship and who you hope will continue to do so through your marriage. Not so and so because you were in their wedding or because your mom said so.

Bottom line is that marriage is going to call for you to do a good deal of standing up for yourself and your relationship. Be that with your parents or your in laws or friends. You are going to need to set boundaries and hope that people meet your expectations of standing by them. So you might as well start practicing now because guess what, they are not going to get it right on the first try and you are going to have to remind them a few times.

I’m not confident I can really pull off ruffles, but I absolutely love how they look on everyone and everything else! They can be so pretty and girly and add so much texture to anything. I say take your ruffles and run with them!

Ruffled

Wedding Window

Wedding Window

Dawn E. Roscoe

Bride’s Blog

Alta Moda

Belle The Magazine

I love to celebrate Cinco de Maya because  I love all things Mexican – margaritas, bright colors and a casual feel, but it is also my parents wedding anniversary! Happy Anniversary Momma & Jim! A Mexican themed party is always such a happy celebration visually!

Green Wedding Shoes

Vale Design

para ti novia

Green Wedding Shoes

la vita bella events

The Twisted Sifter

Eye's Gallery

Fun Favors Events

Dresses: Ruffled, Bridesmaids: Whimsical Weddings, Cake: Michelle Marie Photography, Yellow Dress: Wedding Nouveu, Bride and Maids: Pinterest, Mint Dress: Rachel Events, Bride: Brideorama, Tablescape: What to Pin, Cake pops: Simplypix, Girl in Hat: Glitter Guide, Cupcakes: Hello Naomi, Balloons: Flickr, Macaroons: That Inspirational Girl

There are so many different kinds of plaid, it can be girly, preppy, nerdy (in a cool way), rustic or rock and roll. Plaid is for everyone, which is why I think we should use it more in weddings! I think it would be so quirky and unexpected yet still maintain the feel of your wedding, whatever that may be. I think we should try to make this a trend!

Project Wedding

Utah Bride and Groom

Best Wedding Sites

Wedding Window

Whipped Bake Shop

Once Wed

Manolo for the Brides

Inspired by This

One of my favorite things about the end of the year is all of top 10 lists of the year. These are some of my favorite moments from 2011.

Wish Upon a Wedding

Danielle Cover Photography

Josh & Amber’s engagement

Blissed Photography

A Zaytinya Wedding

Diana Lewkowicz Photography

My beautiful baby showers

A Barn Wedding

Danielle Cover Photography

My niece’s first dance

The National’s Presidents at a wedding

Freed Photography

I have always wanted to do a New Year’s Eve wedding, but have yet to have the opportunity, but day dream about what that would look like all the time. Could there be a more fun theme for one’s wedding? I see glitter, gold and glamour!

Wedding

The Wedding Party Studio

Project Wedding

Hostess With The Mostest

TresSugar

Free Extras

The Popes

African American Brides

Tis the season for both engagements and shopping, which puts me in mind of wedding registries. Registering for ones wedding is one of the more fun aspects of the planning process (right behind cake tasting). But wedding registries are not what they used to be. Brides and grooms no longer just register for their china pattern at their favorite department store. Today couples have endless options of not only where to register, but also what kind of registry they may want.

With people marrying  older now, many of us already go into marriages with nice silverware and the KitchenAid mixer that we purchased ourselves. But not registering is hardly an option if you don’t want three fondue pots. Below is my two cents about registering smartly.

1. Register even if you don’t think you need anything
2. Register for an array of price points
3. Register for more than you think you need. A) because things break and B) because people want options
4. Have more than one registry, but probably not more than three. Too many options can be confusing, but two options allow people to choose from where they are comfortable shopping.
5. Think about where your guests live and register somewhere with a store in most states
6. If you have an online registry (something like Amazon.com) offer a bricks and mortar store as well, some people do not shop online
7. Do not include your registry in with your wedding invitation
8. Do put your registry on a wedding website or on your shower invitations
9. Check out return policies, make sure you can easily return gifts and get a refund without a receipt because you will get two of something
10. Think about storage, unless you know you are moving, do not register for more than your home can handle
11. Start your registry in the store and edit it or finish it online. It is too much and too overwhelming to do all in one day at the store with your fiance
12. Write your thank you notes as the gifts come in, that way you won’t get behind.

Happy shopping!

No, not THAT F word…FRIEND.  As in -  Planner: “do you have a photographer yet?” Client: “my friend will be doing that”.  Cue ringing in our ears and our hearts dropping. When a planner hears “my friend will be doing that” what we instantly fear is a. no contract, b. no experience (or no paid experience anyway), c. limited understanding of how to work with other vendors and their mutual client, d. no communication with them prior to the event, e. a disappointed client.

Of course I’m making very broad strokes here and I want to point out that I had a recent client whose friend did her makeup and she looked beautiful. That being said I’ve had more clients who used friends for photography, videography, DJ, flowers and their results were not what they hoped for. Nor what I had hoped for for that matter. As a planner, we count on all of the other vendors to come through (and vice-versa it is a collective effort) to make a wonderful event for our client.  We count on photographers to know exactly how much time they need to get all of the family photos done and to provide photos to other vendors as a way to prove their perishable work. Same with all of the other vendors, we need them to understand how long it will take them to set up, etc. We all count on one another to be professionals and when someone is not, everyone has a problem.

The problems with the “F” word don’t stop there and are more importantly about the clients who use their friends. We understand that planning a wedding is not cheap and everyone wants to save money any way they can here and there. So if your friend wants to get into videography and has the equipment, why not use them right? What if you are disappointed in your video? Can you tell your friend that? Even if you’ve paid them, would you feel comfortable complaining? Will it hurt your friendship in the end? And what if you didn’t pay and you don’t like something, then do you have the right to complain? What if it isn’t your friend, but your friend’s friend, will your friend be offended if you don’t like their friend’s work after they’ve tried to help you out?

The bottom line is that everyone wants to save money, but do you want to do so at the risk of your wedding or event? Everyone has to start somewhere and I will forever be grateful to my first clients. However, be realistic about what is important to you. If you don’t really care that much about the music and you know your friend is competent and you can put them in touch with your planner, then go for it, save yourself some money. But if flowers are the most important thing to  you, then trust that task to a professional. Doing something right the first time will always save  you  money in the long run!

Some couples know without a doubt that they will have children in their wedding. Others are on the fence about the decision. On the one hand, they are obviously adorable, no matter what they do, it is funny or cute,  you can dress them up how you want, and you love them, they are probably your family or children of loved ones. On the other hand…the chances of them actually walking down the aisle are 50/50, you can’t really give the ring bearer the rings, half the time the flower girls are not allowed to drop flowers at your venue, and the chances of them crying or stopping mid aisle and causing mom to stand in the aisle encouraging them are pretty good.

All of this causing a client to ask me recently “wait, so what is the point, what will they even do?” Well, if they serve their purpose, they will look cute, if they don’t they will still probably look pretty cute, but may also slow down the show or cause a mild distraction. All of that being said, if you are one of those couple’s who has your heart set on having children in your wedding, then be prepared for the possibilities and know that really, nobody minds what the kids do, everyone expects a possible meltdown. However, if you care about that and are adamant that their be no meltdowns on your aisle, then having children in your wedding party may not be for you.

Ah but they sure can look sweet!

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wedding dates

Danielle Cover Photography